Confession and Conflict with PaToya Hall
On today’s episode of the Journeywomen podcast, I chatted with my friend PaToya Hall about confession and conflict. We covered it all, from how the Gospel enables us to walk in confession and conflict without fear, to our own personal mistakes in confrontation. PaToya shared how God brought her from being fearful of conflict to approaching others in love because of her confidence in God. I really think you will find this episode to be a helpful tool in the relationships you're building within your local church, with family, and with friends for the glory of God.
Can you tell us a little about who you are and what you do?
How does the Gospel enable us to walk in confession and conflict with one another without fear?
Why is it dangerous to live alone in our sin? What comfort does confession offer us?
What is the effect of an individual's sin on the community as a whole? And why is it important?
Do you feel confession is a gift? What is the result if we make confession into a mandate or a law?
What is the Biblical response to confronting a brother or sister if you see them walking in unconfessed sin, or if they're just unaware of their sin?
How can we do that, practically, in a healthy way?
What is the goal of confrontation/conflict?
What are the potential pitfalls in confession and conflict and how do we avoid them?
How can we point one another to the Gospel as we walk in confession and engage in conflict with one another for the glory of God?
THREE QUESTIONS I ASK EVERY GUEST
What 3 resources would you recommend for someone who wants to grow in confession and conflict?
What are your 3 simple joys?
Who has had the greatest impact on your own journey with Jesus?
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES
"Your mistakes are not who you are."
"Christ says that we are no longer guilty that 'there is no condemnation.' (Romans 8:1) If we believe truly that Christ has taken the punishment for our sins on the cross and we believe that, then truly he has set us free from the condemnation of those sins."
"Sin is still coming out of me, but it does not reign over me. Only the Gospel reigns over me."
"For the sake of reconciling and being unified together I can admit and say that 'I am sorry' and I can own that and we can figure it out together."
"My behaviors and circumstances don’t have to be attached to my identity. This conversation may have ups and downs but that doesn’t change who God says that I am."
"Recognize that in conflict the goal is to be unified and reconciled. I want to understand how we can come together in the areas of disagreement."
"The Gospel gives us hope for unity."
"Prioritize unity and obedience [in conflict]. Is it obedient for me to engage in this conversation right now? I can’t control the circumstances, but I can honor a brother or sister in being honest about how I’m feeling. And I have to be open that I could be wrong in my viewpoint."
"God showed me that I wanted community more than I wanted my fear."
"Confessing sin is a gift. We all have the experience of trying to keep something inside of us, but it tears us apart from the inside."
"Confession breaks through the dark places in our lives. We can be so afraid from saying things to others."
"The opportunity to confess sin reminds us of the Gospel."
"The hope that comes from confessing sin is that Jesus is faithful and just to forgive us of our sin."
"Scripture gives us great hope that he will purify us and forgive us."
"No sin that lives in you is more powerful than the Gospel. And sometimes the things that live in us can feel really powerful! Christ carries our burdens for us."
"If we live in the darkness of sin, then we have separated ourselves from the body of believers."
"Sin does not produce the fruit of the Spirit, only the Spirit can produce that."
"When I live in unconfessed sin, the way that it continually manifest itself in me is I fear judgement. I assume that my friends are judging me, division happens, and I begin to judge other people. I begin to live in this works-based righteousness."
"Confession is absolutely a gift to community because even though you’re confessing this sin, they don’t have to bear the weight of your sin. It reminds us that we don’t have to earn our salvation. We get to bring light into dark places and live in freedom and abundant life."
"You remind yourself of the power of the Gospel as your confess to your brother."
"Even works that look good on the outside are not transforming you internally on the inside, only the Spirit can do that."
"If the fruit of the Spirit is not on display, if repentance is not on display, if transformation is not happening, and ultimately worship of God is not happening, then I think we’ve made [confession] into a law and we are not walking in the abundance of Christian life."
"Brokenness spurs brokenness in me for them. As someone comes broken over their sin, I am able to empathize with them. The Gospel response is to remind them that Jesus has not left them and they can have hope in him."
"Our sin is not okay but Christ makes us okay, not that action okay. As friends come to us broken over their sin in true confession, our response is to pray over them and remind them of the power of the Gospel in their lives."
"As we interact with Jesus he will transform us and give us power over our sin."
"Asking questions of people shows a desire to know someone deeper and to help that person."
"We always need to check our own heart when calling people out on things. We want to messengers of life and grace and not messengers of condemnation."
"The ultimate goal of confession and conflict is for us to reflect Christ to the world. That we would not leave ourselves in sin and shame because if we stay in those places, what hope can we offer to the rest of the world? Ultimately it’s not about me individually but about the larger body of believers reflecting Christ in the world."
"First, be careful about who you’re confessing to. We want to be helping one another remember the Gospel."
"If you’re the one who is calling someone out, then really seek to understand that person and desire for them to really look like Jesus. Ask yourself what your goal in calling them out is. Ask yourself if all of the things you’re seeing are actually true."
"Ultimately we are doing this for God’s glory."
PATOYA'S RESOURCES
Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
You Can Change by Tim Chester
Asking “If the Gospel is true, then what does that mean about this fear?”
PATOYA'S SIMPLE JOYS
Listening to The Chronicles of Narnia in my car
Slow Saturday mornings
Being a regular somewhere
IMPORTANT NOTE
Journeywomen interviews are intended to serve as a springboard for continued study in the context of your local church. While we carefully select guests each week, interviews do not imply Journeywomen's endorsement of all writings and positions of the interviewee or any other resources mentioned.
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