When You Feel Like a Broken Record
August 28th, 2023 • by Abbey Wedgeworth
Try again with kind, calm words.
What would it sound like to receive that with a grateful heart?
Did God make your hands for hitting?
Did you talk to your brother before coming to me?
It sounds like you have a relationship to repair…
I have three sons between ages 2 and 8, and it would be a conservative estimation that I probably say each of these phrases at least a dozen times a day. “I’m so tired of my own voice saying the same words over and over” I recently lamented to an older mom, “I feel like a broken record. What am I doing wrong?! When will it click?!”
“If you feel like a broken record,” she said smirking, “you’re probably actually doing it right.” She went on to highlight the need for consistency in training, as well as the fact that change and learning are a process—often a slow one.
Often, I have the same attitude toward myself that I do toward my kids. Why do I keep failing at the same things over and over?! What am I doing wrong?
I’ve taught my boys a little song to the tune of “Do your ears hang low?” and it pops into my head all the time after I say something I probably shouldn’t have.
Is it kind? Is it helpful? Does it need to be said?
Is it true?
These questions make a filter in my head,
So that I can love my neighbor,
So that I can honor God,
I think before I speak.
But that’s when the conviction comes. Too often, I don’t think before I speak. When will I get it? When will it click for me? Our kids aren’t perfect, and neither are we. None of us will be perfect on this side of eternity. We’ll never outgrow the need for God’s Word. We’ll never outgrow the need for the gospel.
“We’ll never outgrow the need for God’s Word. We’ll never outgrow the need for the gospel.”
Broken People Don’t Just Need Better Behavior
I get tired of failing, but my frustration is not always out of a love for Christ. Often, it’s out of a love of self. I want to be perfect more than I want Jesus. I want to transcend my need for correction. I want to outwork my need for Christ. I want to be regarded by the people around me as someone who is self-controlled and kind. I want to be liked. I want to be admired. And those same sinful motives trickle into my parenting. I want my kids to be obedient so I can feel good about my parenting. I want them to listen to me and follow the rules I’ve set forth for conflict resolution so that our house will feel calm, and I won't have to work so hard. But none of these motivations for obedience lead to lasting heart-change—for us or for our children.
Let’s take speech, for example. Jesus makes it clear that the words that come out of our mouths reflect what’s in our hearts (Matt. 12:34). If my heart is filled with self-righteousness, concern for the opinion of others, and a desire for ease, I can only imagine what sort of prideful, gossipy, critical talk will come out! But if my heart is filled with a desire to love God and love my neighbor, then what comes out of my mouth will be kind, helpful, encouraging, and true. When we break God’s commands, it reveals the need for our hearts to be changed.
In Galatians 3:19-26, the apostle Paul asserts that this is the very purpose of God’s law: to reveal that we cannot save ourselves, to point to the need for a Savior. But Paul goes on to point out that the law cannot save us or change us—only grace can do that. And that grace is made available in Jesus Christ.
“When we break God’s commands, it reveals the need for our hearts to be changed. ”
Putting the Right Message on Repeat
So, before we can ask the question, “How can we as Christian women repeat truths to ourselves in a way that leads to obedience?” we must clarify the motivation for obedience. In John 15, Jesus says:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love” (John 15:9-10).
Before Jesus tells his followers to keep his commands, he reminds them of his love for them and for us. And where do we most clearly see God’s love for us in Christ? And Christ’s love on display? At the cross. As much as we repeat instructive training refrains from God’s Word to our children and to ourselves, we need to rehearse the refreshing truth of the gospel just as much if not more. We don’t obey to earn God’s love. We already have it. We obey to remain in his love, not because it’s something to lose, but because it’s the place we belong. The assurance of God’s love is the motivation for obedience, and obedience is the means by which we live out that identity. Everything God asks us to do—everything—expresses his loving concern for us. The cross is where he pours out his love, and obedience is how we remain in it.
We can’t just repeat the commands to ourselves or our kids, we also have to repeat the context in which they’ve been given. Training refrains like those listed at the top aren’t the only thing I repeat over and over to my kids. Over and over I tell them: “I love you. I want good for you. There’s no good thing you could ever do to make me love you any more, and no bad thing you could ever do to make me love you any less. It’s my job to take care of you.” I tell them that the same is true of God—even more true.
And when they fail, I tell them: “Jesus was a child just like you, and he was perfect for you. He lived and gave his life so that you could be forgiven every time you fail, and he sent his Holy Spirit to help you to live for him and become more like him.”
And these are the words I must repeat to myself—the perfect broken-record message for a broken person in need of grace.
“We don’t obey to earn God’s love. We already have it. We obey to remain in his love, not because it’s something to lose, but because it’s the place we belong. ”
Dancing to a Broken Record
As much as we need to be reminded of how we ought to live over and over, we need to be reminded of why we ought to live that way—over and over. That’s why the exposure of our sin and our need is a mercy. Each time we fail, each time the Holy Spirit faithfully convicts using a command from Scripture, we need to rehearse the truth of the gospel, repeating words of repentance, receiving the assurance of pardon, and requesting help from the Spirit. This is the rhythm of the Christian life. It’s the dance we’ll be dancing in step with the Spirit all the way to glory.
We dance to the sound of this beautiful broken record:
God loves you. God forgives you. Remain in Christ. Repent, Believe, Obey.
If you feel like a broken record, you’re actually doing the Christian life right.
Abbey Wedgeworth is a wife, mother, and writer. The author of Held and the Training Young Hearts series, she is passionate about discipleship and Bible literacy, and loves to see the way that the gospel transforms how people think and live. Abbey lives on the South Carolina coast with her husband, David, and their three children.
MORE FROM JOURNEYWOMEN
IMPORTANT NOTE
Journeywomen articles are intended to serve as a springboard for continued study in the context of your local church. While we carefully select writers each week, articles shared on the Journeywomen website do not imply Journeywomen's endorsement of all writings and positions of the authors or any other resources mentioned.
