Scars of Love
Tears fill my eyes as I open a message in my Instagram request folder: “Ready to get that pre-baby body back? I can help you!” I look down at the 6 month old sleeping on me, his body pillowed on my soft stomach. His eyelids flutter, popping open for a second, before he relaxes entirely and drifts on to dream land.
I can’t look into a mirror this second, but I know the baby hairs are poking in all directions from the once-bald patches of my scalp. I don’t even have to do the bend and sniff to know that I need a shower badly, but it’s been a long night and an early morning. Teething has been so hard for this baby, and somehow my body is the only place of comfort he can find.
I think back to my favorite skirt in high school. The one with the wide waistband that made people comment on how tiny I was. Those comments made me feel valuable and worthy. Of course, I knew the size of my body or how pretty I was wasn’t what really gave me worth, but it was easy to slip into that thinking then—and even now.
I scroll back on my phone to a recent photo my husband took of me and our son together. I stare at the photo, not even recognizing the girl staring back at me. Motherhood has changed me so much that now I’m left trying to figure out who I am in a new body.
When Our Bodies Change
My body was what it was created to be then, and it is what it was created to be now. I was created to live and give life. And in living out that dream and calling my body had been left scarred.
“Every scar tells a story. And the story of Easter reminds us that our scars of love are not alone. ”
We tend to think of aging and pregnancy as the only things that mark our bodies. But we all have other marks we can point to, each with a story to tell. There’s the scar on my nose from the can of olives that tumbled from a high cupboard while I was unloading groceries. There’s a scar on my foot from when I had a surgical repair. There’s a fake tooth and huge scar on my chin from hours of hockey with friends that ended in my skate stuck in a large crack and my face meeting unforgiving ice.
Now there are scars on my tummy from growing my children. I can run my fingers over them and remember what stage I was at when they appeared. The stretch marks on my hips from when my first son dropped a week before his birth. The stretch marks that appeared on my breasts the week after birth. When I first noticed them I stared, marveling that I had that much food for my baby and that such a tiny baby needed to eat that much.
Dinners around the table with friends have settled on my thighs. Hours of rocking and nursing have left my breasts in a different location. Moments of laughter now line my face. Deep and difficult conversations line my forehead, and veins from the hours on my feet chasing my kids have popped out on my legs.
Scars of Love
Every scar tells a story. Some are stories of joy—the laughter among friends and that extra plate of dessert on date night. But many of our scars tell stories of physical pain—the stumbles and falls and nights of tears and anguish. Many of our scars too are acquired in sacrifice for the people we love—the postpartum stretch marks and the calluses on hands from trimming roses for the family to enjoy. It is these scars of love that mark the ways we’ve given of ourselves for the sake of others
And the story of Easter reminds us that our scars of love are not alone.
“If love left its marks on God in the flesh, why would I not expect love to leave a mark on my own body too? ”
Jesus put on human flesh and came to live among us. He put on the ability to be wounded and scarred. He brought us life through his sacrificial death. When he rose again he went to his disciples, telling Thomas specifically, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side” (John 20:27). When he rose, Jesus could have supernaturally healed his body, and yet he left the marks. They were signs and symbols of his love for his people and his finished work.
Scripture shows us the beauty in giving of ourselves for the sake of others:
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Phil. 2:3-4)
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” (Rom. 12:1)
“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” (1 John 3:16)
Sacrifice is the very heart of the gospel (John 3:16), and Jesus’ example offers us a model for how we too should posture our hearts toward giving for the sake of others.
Reminders of the Gospel
Our stretch marks and c-section scars aren’t ways that show we are more holy. However, I believe there are things that are types and shadows—physical realities that point us back to the greater work of Jesus. The people of Israel would stack stones to remind them of God’s faithfulness. We can look at our scars and our changing bodies and be reminded of truth too.
Sisters, let us see our changing bodies as signs of God’s faithfulness to us. God has given us friends, children, hours, and days to live. If love left its marks on God in the flesh, why would I not expect love to leave a mark on my own body too? Let us count those scars as joys, and let us remember that Easter shows us that there is beauty in scars.
Elizabeth Santelmann is a homeschooling mother of three small boys. She loves reading and always has a large stack of books by her bed. She enjoys seeking beauty by taking photographs. And she started combining her photos with writing on Instagram. Her hope is to share what she is learning about gently nurturing and guiding our children toward the gospel with our lives and speech. Before marriage she worked for 4 years in children’s ministry. She has attended Heritage Presbyterian Church with her husband for the last 10 years. The past three years she has loved using what she learned about reformed theology and children’s ministry to write Bible lessons for her church’s VBS. You can find more from Elizabeth here!
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