Friendship Around God’s Table
August 30, 2021 • by Myra Dempsey
We ordered the largest U-haul truck available, passed out the inadequate “thank you” treats of coffee and donuts to our box-loading friends, and drove off to a new everything. It was a move that had built slowly, sometimes painstakingly so, but then culminated in a whirlwind that left my head and heart spinning. I had prayed for this move in years prior while experiencing an emotional and spiritual onslaught. We had just learned of our former pastor’s deceit and hidden sexual sin, our hearts broke as we watched our church split over it, and I felt disoriented and overwhelmed as my husband labored at spiritual triage in the aftermath of it all. Oh how I’d longed for that oversized U-haul to take us away!
But God’s timing is always better than our own. He knew what healing our hearts needed and where that healing needed to happen. He knew the place he was preparing for us, and exactly how he was preparing us for it.
Now we’re here. The moving truck has long since been returned, the emptied boxes recycled. Even the first new school year has been completed. But our still-undecorated walls reflect the newness that remains. We still need to learn new roads and new favorite takeout places Yet the most daunting task of all is establishing new friendships.
When making new friends we may never outgrow the sensation of being the new kid at school, walking up to a table full of laughing faces, our tray – laden with past hurts and future hopes – heavy in our hands, praying someone invites us to sit down. But as we age, by God’s grace, we know we don’t make those scary first steps alone. Jesus is standing beside us, reminding us that we are already seated with him in the heavenly places (Eph. 2:6), that we are pursued and fully accepted by the King of the universe because of Christ alone. All who are in Christ have a seat at the coolest and best table, and not a single one of us earned our seat, nor can we ever lose it. What freedom that brings as we approach new friendships!
It’s Different in Here
This season of newness has provided me a front row seat to experience the soul-nourishing benefits of friendship with other followers of Jesus, especially those with whom we worship and live alongside in our local church context. The truth of the gospel changes everything, including our adult friendships. One of the most beautiful gifts God has given his people is the Church, despite her imperfections.
When a group of people really believe that the risen and reigning Christ is the most beautiful and worthwhile object of their affections, time, money, and whole-life-worship, it changes the atmosphere. Like walking into an air-conditioned home after sweating in the sun, it feels different. That refreshing inhale and audible exhale can happen at the heart level, when suddenly we are embraced by others and loved with a completely different set of rules.
“The truth of the gospel changes everything, including our adult friendships.”
A New Currency
The world looks at people with eyes trained for snap judgements. Physical appearance still seems to maintain the top tier, with entertaining talents and productive abilities following closely behind. Whatever the rubric is for a particular people group, apart from the gospel of Jesus, the same weight remains – “earn your keep.” Striving and earning are exhausting twins on one side of a coin, with fear of failure and rejection sharing the other side. But God’s kingdom ushers in a whole new type of currency.
Jesus lived perfectly in our place, died the excruciating and wrath-absorbing death we deserved, and rose again to make life more of a reality than death. He not only canceled our debt of sin, but he also now credits our spiritual account with the immeasurable riches of his grace! He even left us the best down payment, his Spirit, our perfect helper, counselor, and proof of the inheritance we eagerly await (Eph. 1:13-14).
And to make this transaction even more unbelievable, we do absolutely nothing to earn or deserve it. We can’t work hard enough for it. It is a gift given by our gracious Father, received by faith alone. We get to flip that new coin over and see that we are free from fear, because we can’t lose what we didn’t earn. Our position as dearly beloved children of God is as steadfast as the One who earned it for us and gifted it to us.
In her incredible book, Seated with Christ: Living Freely in a Culture of Comparison, Heather Holleman references Hebrews 10 as she expounds on our position described in Ephesians 2:6. “Jesus finished the work of the priests. He is the High Priest who takes away the sins of the world, and He invites me to take my seat in the heavenly realms beside Him. We can sit down. In fact we are sitting down. We have been raised with Christ, who has ‘seated us’ in the heavenly realms….It’s a past tense verb. It suggests something has already happened to us.”
We have been seated with Christ, so what’s it like at his table?
On Wednesdays We Wear Pink
In 2004 the film, “Mean Girls,” became a modern cult-classic, with the rules of the popular girls’ lunch table inspiring many memes and GIFs. Each table in the cafeteria represented a different clique, and sitting at your designated table brought with it a statement of identity. “The Plastics” had rules like, “Don’t wear a tank top two days in a row,” and “You can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week.” One of my favorite moments in the movie comes when the new girl, Cady Heron, tries to fit in and follow the Plastics’ rule of “On Wednesdays we wear pink.” She wants to be welcomed at the table, accepted by the cool girls, but her true identity is in such contrast to theirs, that she doesn’t even own anything pink. She has to borrow an oversized pink polo from her male friend. Her attempt to fit in shirks the very ethos of the group who made the rules. Instead of looking fashionable, she looks even more out of place in that baggy, pink polo than in her normal clothing.
Could it be that we try equally hard to fit in at tables we just weren’t created to sit at? Have cultural standards for what is desirable and good subtlety replaced biblical ones, leaving us begrudging our wardrobe and choosing ill-fitting pursuits that never quite fulfill us? The great news is that the table you’re ushered to by the nail-scarred hands of your Savior also has its own set of “rules,” but they are way better than what colored shirt you’re allowed to wear. When we are seated at God’s table, we are welcomed to specific features that function way more like freedom than rules. We don’t “have to” in order to be allowed to sit here; we get to because our seat has already been purchased for us.
“Don’t believe the deceiver when he says you’re in this alone. There is hope for deep, life-giving friendships, and the vulnerability they require is always worth it. ”
There’s Freedom at This Table
At God’s table we get to live on mission for him and his kingdom, free from the pursuit of our own renown or fleeting comforts. We get to be honest about who we are–even our sin and our struggles–because we’re free from the need to maintain an image or facade. We get to remind one another that it’s exactly in our weakness that the gospel is displayed and God’s power is made perfect. We get to welcome people into our lives, into our homes with crumb-covered floors and laundry piles, because everything we have is from God and for him.
Our worth is not in how tidy or productive we are, how on-trend our decor is, or even how quiet and well-behaved our children are. Our identity and worth are in Christ alone. He is the only source of true joy, of the peace and acceptance we crave. As we abide in Christ and know him through the Scriptures, we begin to look increasingly like him, to the praise of his glorious grace!
I’m forever grateful for the new friends who have welcomed me and my family with open arms. The ones who have made coffee and listened to my story while my kids played with theirs. The ones who stuck with Bible study on Zoom when we couldn’t gather safely in person, when a million other things likely felt more pressing. The friends who dropped off meals when we were sick. The ones who included us in their Christmas tree trimming, who have trusted me with their confessions of sin and have responded graciously to mine. These friends exist because Jesus has been the perfect friend first. Don’t believe the deceiver when he says you’re in this alone. There is hope for deep, life-giving friendships, and the vulnerability they require is always worth it.
As we rejoice in these unusual, freedom-filled friendships, we will find rest for our weary hearts. And we will be able to welcome others freely and completely, telling them about the Savior King who wraps us in his perfect, spotless robes of righteousness and invites us to sit at his table.
Myra Dempsey, MA is a pastor’s wife, a mom of four, and an Ohio native. She has a Masters in Community Counseling from Xavier University and loves to use written and spoken words to point people to Jesus. She is a staff writer for Gospel Centered Discipleship, has been featured in Fathom Magazine, Be Still Magazine, and blogs at dependentongrace.com. Follow her on Instagram.
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