How to Minister From a Place of Loneliness
“If the cabin pressure begins to drop, please put on your oxygen mask before assisting others.”
We’ve all likely heard this well-known directive: Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. It makes sense. You can’t help others if you’re unconscious.
This might be weird, but the sentiment often comes to my mind when I’m caring for others while struggling with my own loneliness. I think about flight attendants giving their safety instructions on the airplane. I think about them showing passengers the oxygen masks that drop down should the cabin pressure suddenly change.
For me, ministering in a season of acute isolation feels like the cabin pressure dropped, the oxygen masks came down, and I’m fumbling to help others while I’m struggling to stay conscious. Maybe you’re a mom, experiencing deep loneliness with children to care for. Or maybe you’re wrestling with grief and loss but trying to love your church well. Perhaps you’re starting over in a new place or stepping out in faith to do something the Lord has led you to do and you’re feeling lonely.
Sisters, the Lord sees you and desires to meet you in your loneliness.
What Is Loneliness?
Here’s a great definition from Biblical counselor and author, Shannon McCoy: “Loneliness is an unsettling feeling of disconnection from others whether alone or in the presence of people—it can come upon you subtly or all of the sudden…people can become incapacitated or paralyzed from loneliness.”
Shannon explains what makes loneliness feel more pronounced in our age is that “we have a broken sense of community. We are self-focused humans in a self-driven society, which is an enemy to community…we want to be independent because dealing with people is frustrating. It’s just easier to ‘do it myself.’”
There are many factors which can contribute to a person’s sense of loneliness. I’m not going to explore them in this article; instead I’m going to talk about what you can do when you feel disconnected from the people you’re seeking to help. Is it wise to keep caring for others when you’re feeling lonely and isolated? It may surprise you but God’s word has a lot of encouragement and hope for those of us trying to answer these questions.
“Sisters, the Lord sees you and desires to meet you in your loneliness.”
God Is Concerned About Our Loneliness
The fact that God is concerned about our loneliness says a lot about the kind of God he is. Consider what David prayed in Psalm 25:16-18.
“Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
bring me out of my distress.”
Here’s the anointed leader of God’s people, asking for more of God’s grace in his loneliness and troubles. David’s words are a fitting guide for those of us who are struggling to care for others while experiencing loneliness. David depended on the Lord, recognizing there was no better place to find relief, no one else who could bring him out of his distress.
Later in that psalm he declares, “The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant” (Ps. 25:14). Friendship with the Lord. A marvelous truth that’s been realized through the perfect life, sacrificial death, and triumphant resurrection of Jesus Christ.
The Compassionate Savior
God’s new covenant people have the Truest Friend. Those in Christ have friendship with the most compassionate and kindest Savior. In this broken world, we will experience loneliness but we are never truly alone. We run to God in our loneliness because that’s where we find the strength to keep going.
In Mark 6:30-44, we see Jesus’ compassionate heart for those who minister and those who need to be ministered to. The disciples were excited to tell him about their ministry journey, but Jesus responded by saying, “Come away by yourselves to a remote place and rest for a while.” Their Creator saw their tired and hungry frames and told them to rest. I love that little detail displaying Jesus’ care for those who serve others.
When crowds spotted and formed around them, Jesus had compassion on them because they looked like sheep without a shepherd. He called his disciples to serve even in the midst of their weariness but he doesn’t leave them to fend for themselves. Rather, he miraculously provided for both his disciples and the crowds.
I don’t know the situation you’re facing today or what your loneliness looks like. I do know Jesus has a heart for you and I. He has comforted and met me in my loneliness even as I’m responsible for the care of others. When I look back, I can clearly see that I was never alone and that his resurrection power was working through me in those lonely seasons. And I would have it no other way. There’s great joy in looking back and seeing a life of dependence on Christ over self.
“In this broken world, we will experience loneliness but we are never truly alone. We run to God in our loneliness because that’s where we find the strength to keep going.”
Lonely But Never Alone
Not only do we have God but we also have his people. I know that for some of us, God’s people have been part of our struggle with loneliness. That is a really difficult thing. May I encourage us to remember in those moments that what we need most, Satan will tempt us to reject—God’s Word, community, prayer, and obedience. Satan wants God’s people to be scattered, isolated, and unsafe, and he preys on our broken sense of community. Don’t let him. Rather, keep drawing near to God’s beloved Bride by faith.
Realize that community depth takes a considerable amount of time and effort to develop. Our struggles with loneliness are simultaneously lessons to grow in patience. There’ve been times I’ve had to lean on friends from the past to help bridge a gap until I gain a sense of connection at a new church or with the group of people I’m seeking to serve. The point is not to grow stagnant but to persevere. Some of my most treasured friendships are those that have been hard won.
Perhaps you need to seek trusted and wise counsel in your local church about whether you need a season of recovery or if you need to rearrange certain priorities. God knows that we are but dust and need rest. Ask others to pray that your loneliness would not eat away at your faith, perspective, effectiveness, and trust in God. The journey with loneliness may last longer than you expect or hope, but Christ and his body are with you in the battle.
In the end, loneliness will not prevail. Tears will be wiped. Death, mourning, crying, and pain are former things that will pass away. Christ’s saints will outlast loneliness because we have the promise of his presence forever. He is making all things new and our final dwelling place will be with God and his people forever, never alone or lonely (Rev. 20:1-4).
Beverly Chao Berrus and her husband, Jason, live in Southern California with their three children. Jason is a pastor at Immanuel Church of Orange County. They previously lived in the Middle East. Bev loves encouraging women in their love for God and his Word. Beverly has written for She Reads Truth, The Gospel Coalition, Risen Motherhood, 9Marks, and Well-Watered Women. She contributed to the books His Testimonies, My Heritage and Refreshed: A Devotional for Women in Dry Seasons.
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