Shame: How God Uses Our Weakness to Show His Strength
“Shame on you!” I heard this phrase many times growing up in the 80s. It became a common way for adults to address children’s misbehavior. But what weight do these words actually carry?
Shame. On you.
Despite hearing the word “shame” frequently, I lived many years without understanding what it really was and how it impacted me. Now as a mom and a pastor’s wife, I want to be able to spot shame and its harmful effects in and around me. I want to link arms with other women as we “put off” shame as part of the old self and instead “put on” the freedom, joy, and security that Jesus has for us (Eph. 4:22–24)!
Shame’s Lonely Island
Shame is one of the most common weapons in our spiritual enemy’s arsenal. Yet, it also remains difficult to identify and uproot. In his immensely helpful book, Shame Interrupted: How God Lifts the Pain of Worthlessness and Rejection, Christian psychologist Ed Welch says, “Shame is the deep sense that you are unacceptable because of something you did, something done to you, or something associated with you. You feel exposed and humiliated.” As we better understand what shame is, we become increasingly aware of its presence and impact in our lives.
“We can hide behind forced smiles and facades of “Everything’s fine,” while burying shame-filled wounds and hoping they never come to light. ”
One of the primary effects of shame is isolation. Shame disrupts God’s good design for vulnerable relationships with others. God Himself exists in a perfect community within the Trinity, and He has designed us as his image bearers to reflect that. The shame-filled lies that Satan whispers are based on the fear that if others truly know us–what we’ve done or what has been done to us–they will judge and reject us. We believe the lie that our temptations or choices are unique, that no one else will understand because we are somehow “worse.” Fear drives us to try to avoid painful rejection by isolating ourselves from others.
For those of us in ministry within our local church context, physical isolation is not likely. We will still shake hands and hug fellow church members, maybe have coffee dates or host Bible studies in our home. But it is entirely possible to isolate at the heart level. We can hide behind forced smiles and facades of “Everything’s fine,” while burying shame-filled wounds and hoping they never come to light. But that is exactly the beautiful invitation—even command—that Jesus has for us, friends!
Come into the light. There is healing and freedom there.
Dying to Heal
I memorized Romans 12:1 as a child, but two years ago Jesus used that verse to unlock greater freedom from shame in my heart.
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
As I meditated on this call to present our bodies—or in the original Greek language, our somas—to God, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What does that mean for our emotions? What does that mean for our shame?”
“In God’s beautifully-upside-down Kingdom he uses our weakness to display his strength. He takes what was once hidden in darkness and uses it to reflect his radiant light of hope to the world. ”
God created us, and he alone knows how we are meant to function and flourish. He says to bring all of ourselves to him, even the hurting or hidden parts, because he knows it’s good for us. God’s kindness extends even further than our salvation. Jesus’s atoning death and triumphal resurrection secured a place for us in eternity with him, and they impact every facet of our life now. When we die to our fear, when we lay down our desire for control, when we obediently bring our shame into the light, we find life! We can obey God’s command to put our whole selves on his altar because Jesus already did it first.
After Jesus endured more physical pain than we can fathom, and after he cried out the words of Psalm 22 with his dying breath, the earth literally shook. Rocks literally split, the curtain separating the Holy of Holies literally ripped in two, and your shame was literally taken care of, right then and there. Our enemy accuses us, using shame as the pointed finger, declaring us unworthy and condemned. But Jesus steps in front of us, holds out his nail-scarred hands, and says, “It is finished.” For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5:21).
This great exchange is the foundation of freedom from shame. We must believe it by faith. The Holy Spirit will then lead us into deeper understanding and application of it. He will keep refining us and shaping us into Christlikeness. He will expose and correct lies we’re believing. He’ll show us again and again how the truth of the gospel is far greater and more beautiful than the lies of shame.
Freedom From Shame
It’s easy to believe the lie that confessing shame-filled experiences will diminish our testimony for God. We worry that it will reflect poorly on our husband’s pastorate or inhibit success in ministry. But in reality vulnerable confession is the very conduit God sovereignly uses to display his glory! In God’s beautifully-upside-down Kingdom he uses our weakness to display his strength. He takes what was once hidden in darkness and uses it to reflect his radiant light of hope to the world.
Galatians 5:1a says, “For freedom Christ has set us free,” and his freedom is comprehensive. As we trust God and obey him by bringing shame out of the darkness and into the light through confession to one another (James 5:16), we will experience joy and freedom! And by his beautiful design, we will also inspire others to do the same. The ripple effects of gospel freedom from shame will continue going out into the world. This is part of the “spiritual worship” Romans 12 calls us to. And this is part of the “good works that God has prepared beforehand for you to walk in” (Eph. 2:10).
What a scary, beautiful, glorious journey it is! But we never walk it alone. We take one obedient step at a time, trusting that he who began a good work in us will faithfully complete it.
We’ll stand before Jesus one day, wrapped in his spotless robes of righteousness and completely free from shame! And until then we live in rhythm with a timeless hymn:
“Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of his love until all on the altar we lay;
for the favor he shows, for the joy he bestows, are for them who will trust and obey.”
Myra Dempsey is a pastor’s wife, a mom of four, and an Ohio native. She and her husband serve at Cross City Church in Columbus, Ohio. She loves to use written and spoken words to share about the goodness of Jesus! She has her Masters degree in counseling and is working on her first book about emotional healing and freedom from shame through a gospel lens. Read more and connect with Myra at myradempsey.com
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