Unbolted from My Love Affair with This World
December 2, 2021 • by Sharon Betters
“You son is dead. Kelly did not survive either.”
Those few words shattered our hearts and our home. Within a year after our son Mark’s death, our daughter Heidi married Greg, our son Dan started college, and our oldest son, Chuck, married Melanie. Suddenly I was preparing meals for two instead of six.
Every trip to the grocery store reminded me of my changing role. I had not yet finished mothering our sixteen-year-old son, Mark. His dad and I looked forward to pouring into the life of our youngest child as he finished the last two years of high school. Mark’s time to be the star of our home as his older siblings left our nest promised to be a season of fun for us. We anticipated two more years of our social life revolving around his activities, sitting in the stands of numerous sports activities, getting to know his friends, and preparing him for college and whatever life held. Chuck and I had planned to use this time to prepare for the imminent empty nest.
Instead, darkness covered our hearts.
Light Amidst Unexpected Grief
Mark’s sudden death hurled me into an unfamiliar and unwelcome role change. Deep grief forced me to reexamine my identity as a woman. Through Mark’s death, God put me at a frightening crossroad. Would passion for Jesus or the loss of my son become the framework of my identity? Unable to make decisions and impatient with mindless chatter, I retreated from leadership in women’s ministry. My inability to function in previous roles raised questions concerning my purpose. Who was I? How should I fill my days? How could I? How would I?
Over twenty-five years later I am a credible witness to the grace and mercy of God and his power to transform a broken life into one filled with purpose, and even joy. Yet I don’t say this easily. Years of wrestling to reconcile God’s love with his sovereignty added to the exhaustion of grief. No doubt some of my words during those early years sounded heretical and struck fear into the hearts of trusted friends.
But the Lord did not abandon me.
“I am a credible witness to the grace and mercy of God and his power to transform a broken life into one filled with purpose, and even joy.”
This World is Not My Home
One of the core gifts God gave me to walk by faith the pathway on which he has placed me is to remember I don’t belong here. I am on my way Home. My destination is heaven.
About two years after the fatal car accident of our son Mark and his friend Kelly, I tried to comfort Leslie, another bereaved mother. As we finished our conversation, I told her that almost immediately after the news of the deaths of our son and his friend, Chuck, Mark’s dad, exclaimed: “Mark’s death unbolted me from my love affair with this world.”
Leslie later said she could hear her chains dropping. The promise of heaven, her ultimate destination, shaped her purpose. She was on her way Home. Like me, heaven as her destination fueled her grief-filled journey with hope.
And like us, if you love Jesus, you too don’t belong “here.” You too are on your way Home. Such truth gives meaning to our pilgrimage when being “here” hurts more than we can bear.
Longing for the Presence of God
Psalm 84, often called the Pearl of the Psalms, describes people on a pilgrimage. Many theologians believe this Psalm was written by David during the period when his son Absalom wanted to kill him. David was in hiding and homesick. He longed for Zion.
In Psalm 87:2-3 we see that Zion is synonymous with “City of God,” a place that God inhabits and loves. In the Old Testament, Zion sometimes means the people of God (Isa. 60:14) or the location of the temple of God. In the New Testament Zion refers to God’s spiritual kingdom (Heb. 12:22). Peter calls Christ the cornerstone in Zion (1 Pet. 2:6). Zion means Home for the child of God.
David pictures the Israelites on a pilgrimage to the “City of God.” David longs to be with the people of God as they travel in the presence of God:
“Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength,
until each appears before God in Zion” (Ps. 84:5-7 NIV).
God has set eternity in the hearts of his people (Ecc. 3:11). The sure destination of Home fuels my journey when life takes an unexpected turn. But such a journey is not without potholes or deep valleys.
“The sure destination of Home fuels my journey when life takes an unexpected turn.”
A God Who Turns Tears into Springs
The journey of the Israelites to Zion took them through the Valley of Baka, also known as the Valley of Tears. They had to pass through a desert. They could not carry enough water for their trip. These pilgrims counted on travelers ahead of them to dig holes big enough to capture the periodic sudden downpours of rain. In turn, those travelers made sure the holes were deep enough to hold water for the next group of pilgrims coming behind them––because someone ahead of them dug similar holes.
“As they passed through the Valley of Tears, they made it a place of springs (Ps. 84:6).”
The pilgrims also passed from “strength to strength (Ps. 84:7),” gaining courage and wisdom as they met up with fellow travelers, cheering one another on through the dry, dark valley of tears. Their longing for the City of God, the puddles of water left by pilgrims further ahead, and fellow travelers cheering them on––these all fueled their pilgrimages with hope.
Puddles of Grace
Can you see the parallels to your own journey Home? We depend on pilgrims further along in the journey to leave us “puddles of grace,” treasures of encouragement designed to help guide us through the scary and despairing circumstances of life. We depend on people ahead of us to “call back” and comfort us with this truth:
God is sovereign and we can trust him. Though we may have to travel some roads physically alone, God designed us for community. We go from “strength to strength” as we meet up with others traveling a similar pathway.
When life comes crashing down, choose to lean into this truth: “I am on my way Home and though the journey is difficult, there are “puddles of grace” along the way, left by those farther along in life’s journey, designed to encourage me to believe that God is sovereign and I can trust him.”
Oh, fellow pilgrims, may we leave “puddles of grace” for those coming behind us, stories of how God has never let go of us. Watch for someone who is on a pilgrimage, who is gasping from thirst, who needs refreshment from another who is farther along life’s pathway. Ask the Lord for an opportunity and for the right life-giving words for someone who needs to hear how his grace continues to cover you with love.
May our journeys Home deepen our love for Jesus and stir up our longing to know him more.
Editor's note: This blog is adapted from Daily Treasure, Sharon's online devotional
Sharon W. Betters is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, pastor’s wife, and cofounder of MARKINC Ministries, where she is the Director of Resource Development. Sharon is the author of several books, including Aging with Grace, Treasures of Encouragement: Women Helping Women (leader’s guide available), Treasures in Darkness, and is the writer of Daily Treasure, an online devotional and podcast. For more biblical encouragement visit treasuresofencouragement.org.
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