What Discipleship Isn’t with Courtney Doctor
When we talk about discipleship, it’s important to know what it is and what it is NOT. Discipleship is not merely meeting at a coffee shop, or merely theological conversation, or merely good advice. With encouragement and conviction, Hunter and Courtney Doctor spend this episode dispelling myths we believe about discipleship—and there are some that might surprise you!
NOTES & QUOTES
Online discipleship that's void of actual relationship has minimal impact because you don't actually see how somebody else is becoming more like Christ in the annoyances and the frustrations of their day. And so as you just welcome people into the mess, the chaos, the brokenness, the sin, all the things that come with every single person, then both people get to see how the gospel sustains you through weariness, how the gospel corrects you in your sin and rebellion.
[Discipleship provides] opportunities for reality, humility, real life, and how the gospel plays out.
It certainly doesn't have to be idyllic; in fact, I think it's richer when it's not.
Discipleship isn't done exclusively online. And I think that there is a greater temptation now than there's ever been to receive. We are not seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Everything's forming us in some way. So to acknowledge that we are being discipled by what we are taking in, but also that some good things disciple us online, but they're limited, and we need to be very aware of that.
“Discipleship is done in the context of relationship.” - Hunter Beless
“Because often, women will take that in, and then they'll think, well, this is what discipleship needs to look like. This is what life needs to look like. And then they may be losing some degree of appreciation for the women in their local churches whose lives don't look that curated because that's not real life.” - Hunter Beless
Discipleship isn't merely done online, but it's done in the context of real-life relationships.
“Discipleship isn't convenient. I think that often, we feel like we need to wait for a better season, a better time, or a more convenient schedule, but actually, discipleship is never convenient. It's always inconvenient.” - Hunter Beless
We're selfish people at the core of who we are and to invite somebody in at that level where it's not small talk and we're not just getting to meet for coffee and we're not just talking about what's happened in the last week, but we're diving in to the scriptures and we're doing it in a way that's authentic and vulnerable and sharing our lives with each other. That is inconveniently convenient.
We want to grow in godliness. God has given us this wonderful opportunity to do life together in such a way that we are inconvenienced so that we can see our own inconsistencies and have to walk in repentance and faith over and over and over again. And the convenient thing about that is he has set it up so that we grow together in godliness. And it's like spiritual mothering– I love the picture of spiritual mothering.
Discipleship isn't a one-way street. Normally, discipleship is going to be done older woman to younger woman. So there's usually a type of age difference. So the person being discipled, it's important to know that you're bringing a lot to the table and that you're not a burden and that she, older woman is also growing as this happens because she's learning from you and she's being challenged with her own selfishness and her own lack of time or whatever it is. Whenever you're the older woman in a discipleship relationship, to remember that you're not there just to simply give advice and share your opinion on things, but you're there to point the other woman and bring both of you to the Word of God to see what it says about the thing that you're talking about.
“Discipleship is mutually beneficial.” - Hunter Beless
Discipleship isn't reserved for the academic. It's not reserved for like theologians, quote unquote. It's not reserved for seminary grads, and it's certainly not reserved for perfect people.
Don't look for that person who is either the coolest older woman in your church or the one who has some type of ministry. Look for the one who knows how to pray. Look for the one whose Bible is just worn and who loves the Word of God and who has faithfully loved her local church for decades.
You might have a little bit more head knowledge about certain skills and tools, but wisdom is applying God's Word to all of life. And so we're trying to grow in wisdom, and we're trying to grow in Christ-likeness. And so that does not require a lot of technical knowledge to do. Praise God.
Discipleship is to be Word-based. And so what we're asking in discipleship is we're saying, what does the Word of God have to say about any topic that we want to talk about? What does the Word of God have to say about those things? So if you are new in the faith and you're being called to disciple somebody, then what you need to know is that you take somebody to the Word. Read the word together.
Discipleship is not meant to be done alone.
“I love having spiritual mothers, and it was a little bit of a revelation to me that I don't just have one spiritual mother, so to speak. I have, by God's grace, a family that I get to do life alongside.” - Hunter Beless
“I don't have to be everything to this person because actually God's also given them the fellowship of believers. They're learning regularly from hearing the Word preached. They're learning from gathering together in the fellowship of believers. There's so many opportunities for us to learn and grow in godliness together in the local church.” - Hunter Beless
It frees both people up to say this doesn't, this [relationship] doesn't have to be for life. And we don't have to end up being besties.
You're not the Christ. You're never the Christ, and you're not the one that will have all the answers.
It's not meant to be done alone.
Discipleship is not optional.
Discipleship is not good advice. So we are so prone to want to disciple people in our own image. And we want to tell them, you know, all the things that have worked… Discipleship is not Courtney's best tips for you, and they're like how your life can look more like mine.
“Discipleship is seeing how the gospel informs and impacts every aspect of life, right? So then, instead of coming alongside a woman and trying to fix every problem she's bringing before you, you're saying, ‘hey, I have good news. Here's how the good news of the gospel offers you hope when your baby doesn't sleep at night. Actually, we're not going to give you the gospel of sleep training. We're going to give you the gospel of grace.’ That will continue to carry her through whatever hardship she faces in life.” - Hunter Beless
Discipleship isn't just theological dissemination.
Discipleship is not merely good advice; it is gospel-centered, Word-based, relationally driven. That's why older women teach the younger women, because they've gained some experience in these things.
“I once heard it said that ministry happens at the intersection of theology and psychology. So it's like when theology and psychology, this understanding of who God is and then psychology, this understanding of the person. When those two things meet, that's where ministry happens.” - Hunter Beless
Discipleship is not optional. It is a command that the Lord has given for all of us to go and make disciples and to teach others what is good. And that's actually for both, we're supposed to disciple unbelievers and believers.
And so this whole cultural mandate takes on a whole new understanding that we are to bear fruit, we're to be fruitful, and we're to multiply, which is to proclaim the good news and Lord willing, for salvation and then also for sanctification. So it's a command that is not optional.
RESOURCES
One-to-one Bible Reading by David Helm
Titus: Displaying the Gospel of Grace by Hunter Beless and Courtney Doctor
Discipling: How to Help Others Follow Jesus by Mark Dever
Growing Together: Taking Mentorship Beyond Small Talk and Prayer Requests by Melissa Kruger
Basic Questions in Discipleship to Ask of the Passage:
What does this passage tell me about God?
What does this passage tell me about my need for salvation?
How does this passage show me that Jesus provides what only he can provide?
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Have you learned from mentors in the past when you’ve gotten to see them in real-life contexts? Does it offer you encouragement when you struggle in similar ways?
In what ways have the “inconvenient conveniences” of discipleship impacted your joy and your growth?
Who are some women or spiritual mothers in your local church who you learn from, even if you are not formally meeting in a discipleship relationship?
How does it free us to disciple or ask to be discipled knowing that is doesn’t have to be a “bestie” relationship forever?
What is the Spirit prompting you to do when you think about how discipleship is not optional?
What might you do or implement based on what you learned in this week’s episode?
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Journeywomen interviews are intended to serve as a springboard for continued study in the context of your local church. While we carefully select guests each week, interviews do not imply Journeywomen's endorsement of all writings and positions of the interviewee or any other resources mentioned.
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